That's how Jones phrases Corporate Living Principle #11. Living well with others will become easier if we stop searching for personal attacks in what's said and done in the group .
My version of this principle is to remind myself that I can not read minds. Because I am not a mind-reader, there are many things about another that I can not know with any certainty. Such as --
- how someone feels about me right now
- what someone's opinion of me is at this moment
- what someone's intentions towards me will be in the future
- why someone is behaving a certain way towards me
Regarding this last point in particular, I can never know for certain when someone's behavior might change. An improved attitude can change behavior, and many things that have nothing to do with me can improve a person's disposition --
- beautiful weather
- adequate sleep
- delicious food
- laughter shared with friends
- tender moments with a loved one
- reconciliation of an estrangement
Given all this, I try to maintain an open attitude towards someone who has slighted me. Just because someone has been dismissive towards me in the past does not mean I should expect more of the same treatment every time we speak.
Rather than being on the defensive, I try to be polite and engaging. At the same time, I am looking for an opening from my former enemy that suggests a willingness to improve our interactions. When I succeed in maintaining a non-anxious presence, the other person usually responds in kind. Not always, but enough that I keep asking for God's help to develop this interpersonal skill because I like the person I am becoming when I treat others this way.
No comments:
Post a Comment